Eggs Benedict Recipe

(Only 3 WW points per muffin!)

Ingredients:


Thomas's 100 calorie English Muffins
Medium Eggs (Not Large, Extra Large, Jumbo or Super-Size)
Sliced Ham (mine was 80 calories per 6 slices, only used one slice per muffin)
White Vinegar


Hollandaise ingredients (enough for 4 muffins)


2oz Plain Yogurt (Albertsons Fat-Free has the fewest calories)
2oz Smartbeat non-fat mayo
About ½ teaspoon Lemon Juice
About 1 teaspoon Brummel & Brown spread (fake yogurt butter)

Step 1, Prepare the fake hollandaise sauce:

Mix all that stuff together in a small bowl (I used a custard cup)
nuke it for 30 seconds when ready to eat
BTW if you need more than an ounce of hollandaise sauce per friggen muffin then you are a fat cow! MOOOooooo! Perhaps I could interest you in my frozen butter stick popsicle recipe

Now the hard part:

Get a pan that’s about 8-10” diameter and at least 3 inches deep, fill it up about with about 2 inches of water. Put the heat on high. While it is warming, get your white vinegar and pour some of that shit in there, about a shot worth.

Now get your eggs and crack them into individual bowls, Throw out the ones you F’d up because you are hung over. The yolks need to be intact.

Now when the water gets to a simmer (small bubbles on the bottom, not rolling boil) bust our your slotted spoon and start stirring it up. Have one of your bowls of egg ready. Now the trick here is you want to get a vortex going in the water, and then carefully pour your egg into the center of it. Your egg will invariably go all over the fucking place and you will want to throw the pan against the wall or beat your wife or something of that nature, but just sit back and watch, it will all work out. After about a minute, lower the heat to the lowest setting (BTW if you have an electric stove good fucking luck!).

Anyhow, you will see the white harden a bit and after about 3-4 minutes you can pick the egg up carefully to see if its done. I like my whites solid and my yolks runny but whatever floats your boat. Remove egg from water and place on a napkin. Repeat this process for all the eggs you are making, you will notice after a few eggs, the water gets all nasty with random egg bits. You can clean that up by lightly washing the eggs under the tap right after you remove them.

Get your wife or significant other off her ass and have her toast up the English muffins while you do the eggs. Once all the eggs are done, transfer them to the English muffins, slap a layer of ham on top and cover with hollandaise sauce.

This whole process can take some time, and chances are that by the time this is all ready it will be cold as shit. Whatever you do, DO NOT NUKE them to warm them up, this will kill the runniness of your egg yolks. If you want everything to be warm, then nuke everything else just before assembly then put it all together.

Now EAT you fat pig you!